In yet another triumph of synergy, Disney announces that it will remake the movie Swiss Family Robinson several years after it replaced Disneyland's Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse with Tarzan's Treehouse.

What Would Walt Do?



A CorelDrawing I did a couple years ago. I'm an Eisner basher from way back.

In some good news for the beleagured Disney head, Michael Eisner appears on a top-five list. Oh, wait...

MetaNews Alert: Ignoring the content for a moment, this may be the first appearance of the phrase "Disney's Government" in a news headline.

Dr. Strangelove at the Magic Kingdom

From Harry Shearer's radio program Le Show, October 12, 1997

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, it was revealed this week that Secretary of... former Secretary... it's a loooong time ago... former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger is on the payroll of the Walt Disney Company. He's been on, or had some kind of consultation relationship for the past year, but now it's been intensified, perhaps coincidentally, perhaps not, on the occasion of the release of one of the two movies about Tibet, the Disney Company is desirous of improving commercial relations with China. The Chinese are ticked off about anybody mentioning Tibet. Henry Kissinger has very good contacts in China, all the way back to his time with Richard Nixon. Did not disclose what he's getting paid, of course that's... that would be crass. But I think it's safe to say that the Disney/Kissinger synergy is just beginning."

(Link is to a RealAudio file)

What Mr. Shearer didn't know (well, he might have known, and just didn't mention it -- we're not here to discuss "What Did the Radio Satirist Know and When Did He Know It?") was that apparently Kissinger's relationship with Disneyland dates back even further. Here's the story, as told by David Koenig in his book Mouse Tales: A Behind-the-Ears Look at Disneyland:

In the early 1970s, stressed by the presures of shuttle diplomacy and trying to bring the Vietnam War to some sort of conclusion, he liked to come to the western White House to get away from it all. He frequently visited Disneyland, mostly just to walk around and let the tension flow out of his body. He was always escorted by a Disneyland guard, with a Secret Service contingent in the shadows.

One unusually cold evening, after watching the fireworks, Kissinger asked for a coat. The security guard had one like his own brought over, a heavy topcoat with a Disneyland logo. As they continued walking around, a woman stopped Kissinger and asked him where the restrooms were. He looked at the guard, who said they were on the right. Kissinger then turned to the lady and, in his distinctive voice, answered, "They're on the right." The woman gave him a funny look, only half recognizing the newest Disneyland cast member, and thanked him. Kissinger loved it. And from then on, if someone asked them a question, he wanted to answer.

While that was the first night the statesman "worked" at the park, on later visits they let him sell popcorn from a Disneyland stand. And as he said, "Thank you" people usually gave him a hard second look, but couldn't quite put it together.

I'm still mining Meyer Berger's 1939 New York Times colum, AT THE FAIR. As if to mess up my research, some days it was called AT THE WORLD'S FAIR or one of a couple other variants. Here's another story about the Futurama ride:

The navy has discovered by fleet grapevine, or whatever nautical fellows use in place of a grapevine, that the seventeen-minute ride in the soft double-chairs in the General Motors futurama is The World of Tomorrow's greatest gift to the gob of today. The sailors and their sweethearts do this ride over and over again. "There's a special kick," one of them explained, "in stepping into the chairs in 1939 and to keep on necking right into 1960." The ride is dimly lighted.

Hey, bet you didn't know there was an official children's safety program for elevators, escalators and moving sidewalks, did you? Bet you didn't know that it had a rapping mascot, did you?

Accident Prompts Renewed Calls For Carnival Regulation
13-Year-Old Hurt After Falling 30 Feet From Ferris Wheel

WICHITA, Kan. -- An accident that injured a 13-year-old girl at a Wichita amusement park has renewed calls for a change in state laws involving the regulation of traveling carnivals.

Kansas is one of eight states that leaves oversight of amusement park or carnival rides up to cities and counties.

The subject arose again after 13-year-old Elizabeth Schmitz, of Mount Hope, fell more than 30 feet from a Ferris wheel at Joyland in Wichita on April 16, suffering head, face, arm and leg injuries, including broken bones.

Danny's Land supports amusement ride safety legislation.

There is a phenomenom at the Disney theme parks called the "Hidden Mickey". This allegedly fun game involves going to the parks so many times (NERD) that you're just about burnt out on them (SANITY RETURNING), until you notice that the architects and imagineers have hidden those three circles all over the place (GEEK). You now have a new purpose in life -- catalog them! (LOSER)

Applying the same logic to their TV lineup, ABC has announced that on their boring old sitcom George Lopez, the family will go to Disneyland and the audience can ignore the show by looking for Hidden Mickeys in promotion they call "The Great Mouse Hunt". (Not to be confused with the great Mouse Hunt, a 1997 movie.)

Hey, this is a big event! It's the first time a sitcom has gone to Disneyland since Blossom! You could win $10,000! You could send me a finder's fee since you learned about it from my blog! 20% sounds right! I'd rather dig out my eyeballs with a grapefruit spoon than watch!

It is also, I think, the first time Disney has officially admitted (YAWN) that yes, they do in fact hide... (YAWN) the image of Mickey... (YAWN) in their theme pa... (ZZZZZZZ...)

Helpful hints from Disney:

Tune in to ABC for the special George Goes to Disneyland® episode on Friday, April 30th @ 8/7c.

Have a paper and pen handy!

While watching, keep track of the hidden Mickeys that you spot. There are between 50 to 150 hidden throughout the episode.

Describe in detail the exact placement of each Mickey that you find in the episode. The number of Mickeys you list will automatically be tallied and listed on the top and bottom of your entry form. If you are entering via mail, please list the total number of Mickeys at the top of your entry.

Doesn't that sound like FUN?

Special Limited Time Offer: buy a copy of The Journal of Ride Theory Omnibus now directly from me, and save $2. Oh, it's not much of a discount, but it's actually cheaper for me to order five copies and send them to you via Priority Mail than it is for five of you to buy them from Lulu.com and them to ship it FedEx. Their price, including shipping, is $22.15, and I'll sell it direct for $20. Also, I'll autograph it, confirming what I've always thought: my autograph is worth less than nothing.

The easiest method of payment is PayPal, sent directly to ridetheory@hotmail.com. My second preference is PayPal. Fourth and fifth preferred methods of payment would be a toss-up between PayPal and PayPal.

This Button Has All the Details...

Well concealed cash would be sixth. Somewhere around fifty-seventh prefered method of payment would be a money order to Dan Howland, with a personal check trailing at fifty-eighth. (The reason I'm pushing PayPal is, every five orders I get from you, I can just transfer the money directly to Lulu, and they start processing the order.)

Offer ends May 10th, 2004.

(I'll extend this offer outside the USA, but obviously the shipping charge will be higher. Global Priority Mail to Great Britain, for example, is $9.00.)

Disney board to gather, Eisner succession on table

And about time, too. Eisner used to have someone in mind as his successor -- Frank Wells. Trouble is, Wells died in 1994, and Eisner has made no effort to name a successor for ten years.